I went into Batumi yesterday for a simple day trip. As I was gathering all my things I quickly reached for my Atlanta Braves baseball cap on my wardrobe. As I left it to put it backwards on my head I noticed something on the bottom. There was something muddy, with a single hole through the diameter. I knew it was some type of nest some insect had made. I didn’t want to think it, but I knew it was a wasp. Yep, a wasp had made a nest in my hat, and another wasp came springing out of it. Ugh, just a little disgusting right? I really thought I needed to tell everyone that before I continued. Plus, it’s a funny story to make up for the mushiness that you’re about to read.
When I was writing one of my previous entries about what I’d be doing in the future, I naturally started thinking of the past. Would things be the same? Would my friends and family be the same? Would I be the same? So, I also thought about some the experiences I’ve had in my past, and how they relate to me in the present. The family I was raised in; the friends I have/had/lost; the relationships I’ve had.
Not to brag, but I had a really good family. I never really lived without REAL want (sure, I wanted a Nintendo when I was younger, but I never got it). I learned from my parents how to delay gratification and not just buy because I wanted. I learned how to care for my money, and I learned basic respect. From my siblings I also learned a lot. Of everybody in the world your siblings you will know for the longest amount of time. With the help of my parents we all learned how to get along and play fair. More importantly, we learned how to fight fair, too. Mary and I have been able to have numerous fights, but we still love each other, because we know how to fight fair. Catherine and I may disagree about something, but we are always able to have a discussion without trying to kill each other. And Dean doesn’t actually cause me too much physical pain when he beats me up. And in general, we are always able to make fun of each other, but we don’t take it personally. We know it’s all joking and fun. Therefore, I learned to develop a bit of thicker skin to jokes made at my expense, and also learned how to lovingly joke at someone else. I learned the value of personal space from Mary, how to be empathetic from Catherine, and how to live with personal honor and dignity from Dean. Of course, my mom and dad were always instrumental in all of these things, too, but without my siblings I wouldn’t have been able to practice it.
I am also pretty lucky to have some of the best friends. I am still close friends with all my old high school buddies. We are spread out across the whole world, but that doesn’t stop Vas from reading my blog every day (I know you do, buddy); it doesn’t stop Q and his wife from sending me packages; I always know what Pham is doing; and Timmy flies fighter planes from aircraft carriers. My college buddies are also still around. One even came to visit me last year. Again, many of them have contributed to me in some way shape or form. Just like siblings I got to practice some of the tools I learned. And I was always surrounded by a group of girls who taught me a lot about being a good boyfriend and learned a lot from a female’s perspective.
I’m not going to talk about each individual relationship and past girlfriend I ever had. That would be interesting, but inappropriate and wrong, considering we shared so much. Each serious relationship leaves a significant mark and impression that you take with you forever. From my first relationship I learned that I needed to stop being so picky and controlling about things. I had to be more sensitive to the needs and feelings of the other person. Now I did practice this with my second girlfriend. In the end I learned I had to be myself in all things. I learned that I had to stand up for what I believed in. I also learned to be patient and I became a really good listener, too. Of course, I continued to learn how I could argue and fight, but still get by. I learned how to take responsibility for the things I did wrong, and how to forgive others when they do wrong to me.
Obviously all of these relationships ended, and it hurt and sometimes there was curling into the fetal position not wanting to go out for days. Sometimes it included hours of Buffy the Vampire Slayer watching. Usually it consisted of going to Cate’s house and playing with her dogs, helping her do things, and just talking. Now, Cate is pretty awesome in the way she can listen and even if we’ve gone over the topic before, remains calm and collected. So at the end of the relationship I was able to stand up and be a much wiser, caring, stronger person.
One I was talking to one of my G9 friends after a long night of playing beer pong at a bar in Tbilisi. We were waiting to get a taxi and I don’t remember what were talking about, but I remember trying to organize the troops to get home. She looked right over at me with the most serious and complimenting expression and said, “Tom, I think you will be a really good dad one day.” Honestly, one of the best compliments I ever had. But I have to thank all my family, friends, and even past girlfriends for teaching me how to even be considered like that. So thanks everyone.
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