Wow, two posts in two days. You should all feel very special. After yesterdays blog, which was considerably more depressing than usual (it’s been a hard few weeks), I did some thinking. The title of this post might make one think I’m going to rail into Peace Corps, I’m not. I love Peace Corps, I love what it stands for, and I love the opportunity it has given me. I’m going to stress “opportunity” here, because it’s results and satisfaction are not handed to me. I won’t speak for all volunteers, but I will certainly speak for myself. Sometimes I forget that this IS Peace Corps. It’s not supposed to be simple, and things aren’t supposed to just fall into place. Sometimes I think, “I’m a Peace Corps Volunteer, this is entitled to me”, well not so much think actively, but passively. Maybe we do have Peace Corps to blame for that a bit. We are coddled by our government considerably, and despite our many hardships on a day to day basis, we were well trained for it, and often have our back, as opposed to us solving the problems ourselves. They spent a lot of money getting us here and making sure we had the tools to succeed. But, sometimes I don’t see it as enough, sometimes I want/think I deserve more. Why? Well, because I’m an American, or because I’m Peace Corps. I am OBSESSED with the label of “Peace Corps”, that sometimes I forget why I’m REALLY here. It’s an easy trap to fall into, but nonetheless a particularly dangerous one.
There are so many benefits to being a Volunteer that it’s not nearly as big of a sacrifice as it was 10, 15, 30, 50 years ago. There are hardships everywhere; we must make sacrifices everywhere, and every day. For example, do I go home and relax with my Nook, or a nice movie? Or do I stay after school with that one annoying child? Usually I pick the child, but out of a sense of necessity, and not duty or a feeling of love/kindness. I think I forgot the real reasons I joined Peace Corps, helping others, learning about a fascinating new place (which Georgia is, one must only check out their food, dance and music).
To all of the other Volunteers that might relate to me in some way (if you don't, good for you, you are further along than me). Remember your reasons for being here; don’t let a few hardships/the cold ruin your perception of what can be extremely rewarding. For me, it is often the inability to concentrate on anything substantial that sometimes hurts me, but maybe I with a little more sacrifice, and a little less sense of entitlement I can do more. Oh, organization would help to… maybe self-motivation. And a boatload of Aderall (just playin’).
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tom Vs. ADD
For someone with enough time on his hands to watch all the episodes of The Office and Bones in one day, I would like to feel productive and write in my blog. Especially considering today is Thanksgiving and there’s a lot I should be thankful for. Let me stress the “should”, because lately I’ve found myself in a bit of a pessimistic mood. Maybe it’s the changing weather; maybe it’s the everyday occurrences in town and school that are driving me nuts. Or maybe it’s sometimes just myself not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Here’s a secret, basically my entire family are some of the biggest procrastinators in the world, but somehow able to achieve quite a bit. I on the other hand can’t get anything done.
I work well when I have a structure to work around. When I wrestled I had a whole structure that kept me busy, and therefore I had to balance my time and work. Same thing when I was in ROTC, waking up three days a week at 5am meant I had to do my work earlier. Though after all those structures disappeared my grades in college fell… big time. Reading a book became a marathon, and don’t even get me started on my coping mechanisms in class (my doodles were well known, and a laptop in class is dangerous). In my entire four years of college, I successfully read… 10 books (3 of those were for my senior thesis), and I was a history major! I sat down to read, and then I said “Hmm, I should probably make food” or “There’s an awesome show about the evolution of ants in ant farms” or “Halo” or “Hey! Look, a butterfly!”
As a Peace Corps Volunteer this makes things a ton more difficult. Because, it requires me to be completely self-motivated and a self starter. With ADD it's like asking an alcoholic to walk into a bar, order a drink, but not drink it. Distractions are everywhere. There are so many distractions, and even some things you wouldn’t think (I spent 2 hours trying to name every stuffed animal my host mother left in my room, or even better, reading all the Peace Corps manuals... from ORIENTATION). I kind of wish I didn’t have my computer, the internet, or movies. I deleted all games, and set up parental controls to keep myself from playing chess or internet checkers/backgammon (not going to suck me in again you fiends), but if you don’t want to do your work, you will ALWAYS find a way of not doing it. Here are the things I should be doing:
1) Lesson plan daily and create activities
2) Study Georgian
3) Exercise daily (I did it real well in the States, and I have the equipment, now I need the motivation)
4) Write in my journal daily
5) Work on finding money for projects
6) Do projects
7) Tutor
8) Integrate more in my community and meet new people
9) Call friends in Peace Corps (I have a bit of a reputation apparently as being a recluse… strange)
Here is a list of things I’m doing instead of those things:
1) Play Sudoku
2) Read (now that it isn’t for class I read a ton)
3) Watch movies
4) Watch TV shows
5) Facebook
6) Clean my room (occasionally)
7) Stare at nothing
8) Walk in circles around my room
9) Wiki searches
10) CNN.com
11) Eating the peanut butter Lora sent me
So, I’m sure many of the other volunteers share the same troubles as me. So many hours in the day, so many hours to waste. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
I work well when I have a structure to work around. When I wrestled I had a whole structure that kept me busy, and therefore I had to balance my time and work. Same thing when I was in ROTC, waking up three days a week at 5am meant I had to do my work earlier. Though after all those structures disappeared my grades in college fell… big time. Reading a book became a marathon, and don’t even get me started on my coping mechanisms in class (my doodles were well known, and a laptop in class is dangerous). In my entire four years of college, I successfully read… 10 books (3 of those were for my senior thesis), and I was a history major! I sat down to read, and then I said “Hmm, I should probably make food” or “There’s an awesome show about the evolution of ants in ant farms” or “Halo” or “Hey! Look, a butterfly!”
As a Peace Corps Volunteer this makes things a ton more difficult. Because, it requires me to be completely self-motivated and a self starter. With ADD it's like asking an alcoholic to walk into a bar, order a drink, but not drink it. Distractions are everywhere. There are so many distractions, and even some things you wouldn’t think (I spent 2 hours trying to name every stuffed animal my host mother left in my room, or even better, reading all the Peace Corps manuals... from ORIENTATION). I kind of wish I didn’t have my computer, the internet, or movies. I deleted all games, and set up parental controls to keep myself from playing chess or internet checkers/backgammon (not going to suck me in again you fiends), but if you don’t want to do your work, you will ALWAYS find a way of not doing it. Here are the things I should be doing:
1) Lesson plan daily and create activities
2) Study Georgian
3) Exercise daily (I did it real well in the States, and I have the equipment, now I need the motivation)
4) Write in my journal daily
5) Work on finding money for projects
6) Do projects
7) Tutor
8) Integrate more in my community and meet new people
9) Call friends in Peace Corps (I have a bit of a reputation apparently as being a recluse… strange)
Here is a list of things I’m doing instead of those things:
1) Play Sudoku
2) Read (now that it isn’t for class I read a ton)
3) Watch movies
4) Watch TV shows
5) Facebook
6) Clean my room (occasionally)
7) Stare at nothing
8) Walk in circles around my room
9) Wiki searches
10) CNN.com
11) Eating the peanut butter Lora sent me
So, I’m sure many of the other volunteers share the same troubles as me. So many hours in the day, so many hours to waste. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
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