Mistakes

I’ve talked a lot about the things I’ve done and the projects I’ve completed. I take great pride in these accomplishments, and wish I could do more in Keda. Right now I want to talk a bit about my failures here the past two years. It’s a good practice to look back on an experience and see what went well and what went poorly. I’m not necessarily depressed or have deep regrets about any of these, but they are things I should reflect on for the future.

First up is my Georgian language ability. From the beginning of PST I slacked off on my language acquisition. I figured “Hey, two years is a long time, and I am in class four hours a day, six days a week, I need to relax and not study too hard.” Ugh… I wish in PST I spent more time studying the vocabulary and really trying to take in the language. It was hard because it really was the first language I ever had to learn, and there was a lot of terminology and grammar that I didn’t understand. I am not horrible at Georgian, but I could have done better. I remember before I left I thought I’d spend the first year learning Georgian, and the second year learning Russian (I’ve always wanted to learn and speak Russian). I set that goal for myself, and I didn’t achieve it well. I can read in Russian, and having a Russian speaking girlfriend certainly helps, but I failed in learning being fluent in Georgian, and hardly know Russian. I keep this in mind, because I need to continue studying Russian, and I know that it just takes WORK. No way around it, I just need to work at it.

My second perceived failure would be in the schools. To anybody who isn’t a teacher I want to tell you: TEACHING IS HARD. It’s easy if all you want to do is babysit all day long, but daily lesson planning, planning activities, classroom management, and dealing with a wide range of knowledge and abilities is difficult. Then throw in my less than superb language abilities and all you find is a frustrated Tom being laughed at by a classroom of students for saying “kvertskhebi” (eggs). In Georgian the ‘ebi’ signifies possessive case, but when used with the word for egg, “kvertski” it means testicles. Live and learn. These language issues and frustrations with large class sizes was a breeding ground for my discontent. I came in the first year with a good attitude, but there were multiple issues in and out of my control that resulted in me pulling away from the school and really letting many of my students down. ]I did my best, but I still have a lot to learn about teaching.

I’d say my third failure—well not really a failure more a regret—was not getting out more. I met a lot of people and did a lot in my first few months at site. My host sister and I would go to the park and we’d just go around Keda having fun. It was a good summer. The first winter forced everyone to stay indoors, but I didn’t come back out of my shell the next spring. I don’t know why, but I didn’t spend as much time hanging out in the center of town or going to other people’s houses. I think some was culture shock hitting me, and feeling frustrated being asked the same frustrating questions. Some of it was people asking me why I didn’t speak Georgian better, and me feeling guilty and therefore not willing to say anything else. Then maybe it was that whenever I did go to someone else’s home I would be expected to drink copious amounts of wine and/or tchatcha. You might think, “Dude, that’s awesome.” No, it isn’t. Seriously, parts of me just want to go back to the USA and never touch a drink again. I never had a bad experience, and I never got sick, but I have never been a huge drinker, and I disliked being judged for not drinking enough (ironically if you drink too much it’s looked down on and they gossip about it). Still, I wish I had gone out more and just hung out with people in town.

So, there you have it. These failures don’t define my PC service, and I’m not upset or depressed by them. I’m just reflecting on the experience, and trying to find ways to grow and learn from it. I’m sure there are other mistakes I’ve made, and other things I could have and should have done differently, this is it for now. 

Memorial Day

I just finished reading my sister-in-law’s post. I don’t mean to sound redundant, but I want to say something as well. There’s a simple quote that some people attribute to Winston Churchill, and some attribute to George Orwell:

"We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm."

It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about World War II or Vietnam, our soldiers are still there willing to defend our lives—unfortunately they don’t always get a say in where they go.

I think nowadays it becomes difficult for people to separate our soldiers from the politics. I have my own opinions on the wars, but this is not a political post. Plus, I’m not supposed to make big political statements on the internet (remember I do work for the US Government). Memorial Day is not a time for politics. It is a time to honor the people who have sacrificed their lives for the rest of us. It is for the soldiers who fought bravely from the Revolution all the way to the War in Afghanistan.

Not all wars have been justified and/or legal. I don’t find America that different from most other nations past and present as far as its human rights is concerned. I know we have many black spots in our history, trust me; I’ve studied them a lot. It doesn’t matter. This is a day to remember the SOLDIERS and their FAMILIES. All soldiers sacrifice something, and some sacrifice everything. One might argue, “It’s their choice, and it’s their own fault”. You can say that, but then I say: “Yes, they CHOSE to sacrifice their time, their family, and sometimes their lives for their country.” I think that makes the individual soldier honorable. We should honor their families as well.

Memorial Day may have originally been reserved for soldiers, but we can remember and memorialize others who have given their lives in service to our country. We can memorialize the men and women who worked in the underground railroad, the women who marched for their rights, and anyone else willing to step up to make our country a better place. That is what makes a country great—the ability to improve and try to become better than it was the day before. It takes the entire nation to do that, and our soldiers are willing to do their part. I guess my question to anyone reading this post (which is very few) is: What have YOU done to make America a better place? While you think about it for a second I will, too. I certainly haven't done enough, in my opinion.

 I despise the people who just complain about the problems, but don’t offer solutions or don’t participate in the process to make it better. Memorial Day is a day to remember the people who did everything they could for their country, and were willing to sacrifice everything for it—not just soldiers.

Nonetheless, thank you to the men and women of our Armed Forces—and of course, Dean.

Q, Vas, Timmy—you guys as well. 

Newspapers

I got interviewed by some newspapers this past week. One was an opposition newspaper located in Batumi that I think is famous amongst PCVs for writing the article “Where to Find Prostitutes 5 Lari and Up”. The other newspaper, which actually had to reschedule is the newspaper for Keda. Apparently the fitness center has made a pretty big splash in many areas. I heard that directors from other regions in Adjara came to see how we did it and what we had. The newspapers have been waiting, and now suddenly appear. Peace Corps told me it’s a matter of time before the news stations come out as well. Hopefully I’ll be on a plane back to the USA before that happen—I don’t like cameras—or reporters.

Still, it was nice telling my story and having the journalist look at me, tilt her head and go “How old are you?” “I’m 25.” “And you planned all THIS?” I’ve been approached several times on the street with people saying, “Tom, thank you for the fitness center, it’s wonderful.” A lot of men tell me this, but from what I hear men hardly use the center. Women are in there all the time, though. I’m just very pleased with the way it all turned out. My school life may not be something I enjoy talking about, and I don’t make a great English teacher, but this development stuff I really enjoy doing.

With TLG volunteers pouring into schools I think Peace Corps may want to think about changing its mission here. Whenever I’m asked about the new Volunteers coming to the Keda region I just say “I don’t know.” Honestly, I have no idea. I just think that Peace Corps teachers have done excellent work here, but maybe let the Georgian government work out their own schools and let Peace Corps focus on what we do best: clubs, sports, development, camps, and gender projects. I just hope whoever the new Volunteer in Keda is will utilize the fitness center as a resource to do healthy lifestyle trainings and fitness classes; which I unfortunately ran out of time and money to do.

Good luck G-12s.

Less than one month!!

Jobs

I decided with just a few weeks remaining in Peace Corps I will update a bit more often. After I COS I’ll probably start a new blog (or not) depending on my (un)employment situation. Perhaps I could call it “The Unemployed Lyon” or “Employ the Lyon”. Eh, no matter, yet. I’ll figure out my life goal at some point. I’ll really miss my current blog title. For such a cool name I should have been a lot more active in my blog writing.

I promised I’d write a bit about my current job search for after Peace Corps. I am looking throughout the internet, and my Mom is in the USA scouring through newspapers and the internet trying to find jobs for me as a social studies teacher. That’s what I’m certified as by the amazingly awesome State of New Jersey [Shore]. The lists for teachers is considerably larger than it was the year I left for Peace Corps, or the year before that when I got my Masters. I would think that now with my awesome Peace Corps experience it’d be a lot easier trying to find jobs. I mean both my best friends know what they’re doing. Unfortunately, after turning in half-dozen online applications and even more paper applications I am still jobless. Maybe it’s the fact I’m not in the USA, and they cannot interview me? Maybe I’ve been away for too long? Maybe it’s my college transcript that has that big ol’ 2.8 written there (yeah, I didn’t study nearly hard enough).

I guess now I’m worried about what I’ll do next. If I don’t get a job then I’ll be living at home and helping my sister-in-law take care of her five children. Maybe I’ll start expanding the garden my brother made years ago. This last one is something that really interests me now. Here in Georgia I sometimes go with my host family to the village to do work—actually, they do the work and just want me to sit there. I don’t blame them too much, this is their livelihood and they wouldn’t want some idiot American destroying their crops. Still, these aren’t huge sprawling farms, but just large enough to look awesome. I wonder what my Mom and Dad would have to say to this. I mean, my Mom loves gardening, but she may not have a small farm in mind for our backyard. It would be a lonely option, because Plainsboro is not well suited for a fun social life.

Then of course I could get back and look for jobs outside the teaching profession. I could go to Washington, D.C. and maybe work for the Government. I have one-year non-competitive eligibility for federal jobs. I don’t know what that will get me, but hopefully something. I always loved Washington and would totally live there again if I could. Plus, many of my friends are still in the area, so I already have a social base.

My final idea is a bit ruined now, but I’ve thought of reinventing it differently. I had been thinking of moving to Ukraine and trying to find a job there. I don’t enjoy teaching English, but if I found a high enough paying job I’d consider it. Unfortunately, I don’t see Kyiv as an option anymore for different reasons. I have been thinking about Tbilisi, though. A G-9 works in Tbilisi now, and I think he enjoys it. Then there are different NGOs and alike that I could get into. There are opportunities here, and most positions could give me a comfortable living wage for Tbilisi. One former PCV was telling me of a 2,500 GEL/month position. I like Tbilisi a lot, and I’d be interested in MAYBE spending another 2-3 years here.

Or I could move to Rhode Island/Connecticut with my newly engaged best friend and be a bus boy at a bar.

Nonetheless, America is my first choice. Don’t leave me high and dry here Uncle Sam. I’ve served you faithfully now for two years. Time to return the favor.

Why?

Before I left the USA Peace Corps wanted a full medical checkup. So, I was going back and forth to the doctor’s office. It’s interesting that despite all my albinism, nystagmus, extra wisdom teeth, and ADHD my medical clearance only took a few weeks. Definitely NOT the norm for most Volunteers—it takes up to a year in many cases. Then again, I told them in my interview to put me on a plane and just let me go now.  I digress. In one of my doctor’s appointments the nurse who was about to give me a half-dozen shots asks me what this was all about. This was the conversation:

Nurse: “So, why do you need all these tests and shots?”

Tom: “Well, I’m applying to the Peace Corps.”

Nurse: Strange look and a raised eyebrow “You know they get sent to the middle of nowhere, right?”

Tom: “Yep, that’s what I want.”

Nurse: “Why?”

At this point I probably gave my awkward *shrug* that I do when I don’t want someone to talk to me anymore. I didn’t really think completely about the “Why?” I was content just knowing I was f’in leaving New Jersey and not facing another hard year of school interviews and being let down by a shitty job market (“shitty” is a Microsoft Word recognized word, by the way).

Here in Georgia I get asked this question a lot, too. “Why did you come here? We are poor and don’t have anything? Why would you leave a rich country like America and come to poor Georgia?” I mean or some variation of the question. I usually just say how great Georgia is, and how the people are so nice, and I just came to help. I usually just get a strange look and a shrug, then they get fed up with my poor language skills and switch back to the simple questions like: “Do you like to drink wine or tchatcha [jet fuel]?”

I haven’t focused enough on the “Why?” If you asked my older brother “Why?” he’d probably give you a spiel about protecting the things you love (maybe me?), protecting those who cannot protect themselves (me), and the strong defending the weak (me again). In a way, I joined Peace Corps with the same attitude, but after a few months in Georgia I realize I’m not protecting or serving anyone (quite literally the women try to do everything for me). I never thought too seriously about the three simple Peace Corps goals:

1) Helping the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.

2) Helping promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.

3) Helping promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.

Well, hell, I look at these goals and I actually feel pretty good. The first goal I touched on the lightest, in my opinion. I didn’t do as much in school as I would have liked, but between FLEX, my fitness center, and numerous smaller projects I feel pretty good. Goal 2 I really let fly, maybe to an extreme amount. My host mother loves to brag that she has had over 12 Americans, 1 Pole, 2 Chinese, 1 Ukrainian, 1 Iranian, and numerous other nationalities come through her house. I’ve certainly tried to show my host family, and all of Keda the diversity of America, and our values and beliefs. All of Keda knows I do my own laundry, clean my own room, and am an independent person mostly. Goal three I’ve tried to demonstrate as well as possible in my blog and in personal conversations with friends and family. It’s harder, but it makes me really excited to be a teacher and talk to my students about my experiences in Peace Corps, and about Georgia itself. Heck, maybe I’ll have a supra in one of my classes—don’t worry we’ll replace the wine/tchatcha with water or apple juice. But, the traditions in Georgia are centuries old, and deserve their place in a World History class alongside European, Chinese, or American history.

So, why did I do it? I did it for me. I did it for people I didn’t know. They didn’t NEED me, or even WANT me, but they [mostly] appreciated my presence and caring. I had a discussion with a Georgian guy the other day who was talking about China becoming the next world’s superpower and overtaking America. He added the one caveat, though. “Americans are coming to Georgia to help Georgians with little or no benefit to themselves (he’s talking about TLG and Peace Corps). Other countries are coming to Georgia to only make money.” I had this exact discussion with my friends in Tbilisi last weekend. Peace Corps is a resource drain on the American economy. Not just in the federal budget, but also in the working man hours all 8,000 Volunteers worldwide could contribute. Peace Corps is truly a selfless organization (not perfect), and all of us here gave up parts of ourselves and our time for other people we didn’t know.

I think that’s what really makes America special. We aren’t a perfect country, but there are thousands of us who will willingly put ourselves out there for the common good. I just hope that nurse out there is reading this (she isn’t)

This post is a little difficult to follow, but thanks for reading.

Another Leaving Post

I have a month left in Peace Corps. ONE MONTH. It’s a surreal experience to think about where I came from and how I ended up here. I’ve thought about everything I’ve done in the two years I’ve been here. I am thinking about the G12 group that arrived last week; they are in the beginning of pre-service training (PST). I remember my first week of PST. I didn’t completely understand the rules and went to visit other trainees in a neighboring village without notifying my coordinator. I got caught and feared for my future in Peace Corps. I honestly thought they’d kick me out then. They didn’t. I signed some form and then went back to normal. I remember being terrified, though. Ever since then I’ve followed every Peace Corps protocol about informing them of my whereabouts. I swear I’m not a trouble maker!!!

Then of course I think about the things I thought were important in my life two years ago. I think about how I didn’t have anything to really be proud of. Sure, I had a Masters in Teaching, but no job. I really didn’t do well in my undergraduate studies, and I felt my life just passing me by. The two years in Georgia gave me a lot of perspective on my life and future. I’ve thought more about caring for other people and doing things that don’t give me any direct benefit. For example, my host mother came to me today and told me that she had an argument with another person who didn’t believe I designed the fitness center. At one point in my life I’d be offended and hurt; I would have needed the external recognition to know I did a good job. Not anymore. Now, I’ve received plenty of external recognition; from Peace Corps, other Volunteers, a Peace Corps newsletter, community members, family, and the local government. But, it doesn’t mean as much as the happiness and pride I feel from within. I know I did it, and I know it’s a great project. That one community member may not know I made the fitness center happen, but she still uses it, and that’s all that really matters.

Two Volunteers, a married couple, came to Keda yesterday to conduct a fitness training. The girl is one of our groups most accomplished Volunteers. She organized Volunteers in the past to do activities across the country. Plus, she is a very physically active person, and knows her stuff. I think 13-15 women showed up, and apparently it went “swimmingly”. My host mother went and really loved it, and this morning after the Volunteers left, a guest came over and asked if she could come back today. It was great having her come, because I would not have been able to lead a fitness and healthy lifestyles training with women. They wouldn’t ask me the important questions. They wouldn’t feel comfortable with my presence.

Back to me leaving…

The relationships I’ve formed in the past year have also meant a lot to me. I’ve made a lot of great friends here. I got a call from a friend who got Fulbright in Indonesia a few weeks ago. She called at 1AM and goes, “Tom, wake up! I’m going to Indonesia! You’re the first person I’m telling after my boyfriend, because we’re best friends.” Then my other friend is going to Russia on a State Department program. I mean, we’re all going places here. We’ve all accomplished so much, and we’ve trudged through the same frustrations together. We’ve experienced the same winters, and have all been through similar marshutka experiences (I have not been thrown-up on in a marshutka yet, knock on wood).

It’s not just the other PCVs I’ve made friendships with. There are plenty of Georgians that I will continue talking with and remember forever. From my host family, my counterparts, and my personal relationships, I will remember them; as they will remember me. I have a bit of a reputation in Keda now, and most won’t forget me anytime soon. I could come back to Keda in 5-years or 10-years and walk off the marshutka and people would stare at me just the same, but they will know who I am.

I’ve been writing a lot recently about my nearing departure. What I really need to think about now is trying to find a job when I get home. If any of you reading this has an open position for a CEAS secondary education social studies teacher please contact meJ.  I’d really appreciate it. I’ll write more on that later, though.