I’ve been meaning to write a new blog entry for a while. To
be honest, I haven’t really been writing in my personal journal much since I’ve
been home either. It’s been a mix of emotions and feelings trying to readjust,
and it isn’t nearly the same feeling as I thought I might have. I am sitting in
a coffee shop in downtown Princeton (Small World Coffee to those who are
interested), and I’m looking around at what I notice being the most different.
First, people are MUCH quieter, and the music is played at a level that allows
casual conversation (the two girls next to me are discussing breaking up with
one of the girls’ fiancés). Second, nobody is drinking alcohol. Third, none are
speaking Georgian or Russian.
When I walk around I notice a difference, too. In Georgia,
when you walk down the street a person going the opposite direction USUALLY
makes little attempt at avoiding ramming into you. I’m not sure why this is,
but in the USA people are a bit nicer out on the streets. In the home it is a
different story. I haven’t been to many people’s places since being home, but
nobody beats Georgian hospitality. I have yet to find a person or family who
will just drop everything to take care of a guest. I guess it has left me
occasionally awkward in the presence of others, because I’m just expecting for
a supra and a ton of wine/chacha. It is also refreshing, because all those
social demands in Georgia between host and guest left both parties extremely
exhausted. Most differences I write about are superficial, but don’t get me
wrong, there are some major readjustments being back.
I guess the biggest thing I’ve noticed since coming home is
very few people care. As a teacher, I figured employers would be interested in
hearing about my experiences. They aren’t. I’m asked more questions about my
student teaching than Peace Corps. Don’t get me wrong, many people; especially
my close friends will listen to every detail. Vasav was the one who motivated
me to write today because he wanted to hear about my experience and life being
home (and yes, I will see you around Thanksgiving). Last week I was at the
beach with Megan, and I spent most of the day talking to her about Georgia, and
how awkward I feel to be back half the time; she listened intently, and when I
apologized for talking so much about it, her response was “you were gone for
two years, and it was a big part of your life, I want to hear about it”. Yep,
that’s why after 10+ years I am still friends with these people. However, most
people I meet or become acquainted to want a brief five-minute description in
which they nod and smile at the appropriate times and then tune me out after a
minute. Meanwhile, I listen to every minute detail of their office job, and the
big presentation they have to give on the slumping sales. BORING!!!!! Nonetheless,
I will listen to them, ask questions, and try to genuinely show interest
expecting to talk about Georgia at some point, but then realize they don’t
understand, nor care about Peace Corps, or Georgia.
Georgians are fascinated by America and my life in America.
I can talk to someone for hours about America. Most Americans don’t give a crap
about Georgia, and generally don’t care what happens there, or what my experiences
and hardships were. Or, they look at me weirdly when I make a cultural mishap,
or ask a Georgian type question (i.e. When are you getting married?)
The work that I did in Georgia often seems to pale in
comparison to what Americans take for granted. It’s weird to feel proud in
Georgia, and have people thank me in the street for something that Americans
don’t give a s*** about. I expected this from all the reading I had done the
past few months, and I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t as much as I thought.
This all just kind of fits in with the whole job thing, I guess.
Jobs. Some Volunteers came back and got them immediately.
Some not. I’m in the NOT category. I seriously thought Peace Corps would be big
for a social studies teacher. But, here I am, one week until school and I’m
unemployed. First off, I just barely missed the cut off for most of the
interviews and in-class lesson demonstrations. I arrived in July, and because
school was over I couldn’t show administrators my teaching abilities. I had a
bunch of calls for interviews when I was still in Georgia, but they wouldn’t do
Skype, and by the time I came home the positions were already filled. There
have only been a few positions that have opened up since, and I’m generally
stuck now. I’d go into something else, but I’m not exactly qualified to do
anything else except teach. Not just that, but the jobs I have looked into
require more years of experience that I don’t have. It sucks, because I know in
some of these positions I am over-qualified for them in every way except for on
paper. To anybody in college reading this, your GPA actually DOES count after
graduation; so don’t spend hours playing Halo and miss that Biology Lab every
week (but it is acceptable to ditch that “dance” class, or at least sneak in a
little jungle juice).
There is one more thing about teaching that I’m trying to
grapple with. There was a distinct difference between the way I teach, and what
my professors taught me in my teaching college. I had one class when I was
getting my Masters’ where the professor yelled at me and called me a “fascist”
because I disagreed with her about tracking. I have never quite figured out
what to say in interviews when the supervisor/principal asks me how I’d conduct
my class or handle classroom management. Do I tell them the general BS I
learned in my Masters’? Or do I tell them what I’ve gotten to work (which is
usually not what I learned in the teacher’s college)? I had my eyes opened at
my last interview when the supervisor basically said “that s*** doesn’t work,
and the kids in this school will eat you alive” when I talked about setting up
rules with the kids and creating a democratic classroom. Personally, I couldn’t
agree more. I want my classroom a benevolent dictatorship. Students will know
my personal pedagogy, and I’ll always treat them with respect, but there will
be boundaries and expectations that they will just HAVE to follow. In Georgia,
I certainly didn’t use the “democratic classroom”, and if I did my 12th
graders would go “this guy is a wimp”. So, maybe I’ve been going into my interviews
in the wrong way. Maybe I need to be myself, and say what I really think, and
not parrot back the pseudoscience of professors who have spent no real time in
an actual classroom.
Maybe I’ll just go back to get a masters’ or doctorate in a
subject that actually means something and is based on real science and
research.
I’ll keep looking, but heading back abroad is starting to
look more and more appealing.
me menatrebi saqartvelo da chemi megobrebi saqartveloshi.
