This is dedicated to YOU.

I went into Batumi yesterday for a simple day trip. As I was gathering all my things I quickly reached for my Atlanta Braves baseball cap on my wardrobe. As I left it to put it backwards on my head I noticed something on the bottom. There was something muddy, with a single hole through the diameter. I knew it was some type of nest some insect had made. I didn’t want to think it, but I knew it was a wasp. Yep, a wasp had made a nest in my hat, and another wasp came springing out of it. Ugh, just a little disgusting right? I really thought I needed to tell everyone that before I continued. Plus, it’s a funny story to make up for the mushiness that you’re about to read.

When I was writing one of my previous entries about what I’d be doing in the future, I naturally started thinking of the past. Would things be the same? Would my friends and family be the same? Would I be the same? So, I also thought about some the experiences I’ve had in my past, and how they relate to me in the present. The family I was raised in; the friends I have/had/lost; the relationships I’ve had.

Not to brag, but I had a really good family. I never really lived without REAL want (sure, I wanted a Nintendo when I was younger, but I never got it). I learned from my parents how to delay gratification and not just buy because I wanted. I learned how to care for my money, and I learned basic respect. From my siblings I also learned a lot. Of everybody in the world your siblings you will know for the longest amount of time. With the help of my parents we all learned how to get along and play fair. More importantly, we learned how to fight fair, too. Mary and I have been able to have numerous fights, but we still love each other, because we know how to fight fair. Catherine and I may disagree about something, but we are always able to have a discussion without trying to kill each other. And Dean doesn’t actually cause me too much physical pain when he beats me up. And in general, we are always able to make fun of each other, but we don’t take it personally. We know it’s all joking and fun. Therefore, I learned to develop a bit of thicker skin to jokes made at my expense, and also learned how to lovingly joke at someone else. I learned the value of personal space from Mary, how to be empathetic from Catherine, and how to live with personal honor and dignity from Dean. Of course, my mom and dad were always instrumental in all of these things, too, but without my siblings I wouldn’t have been able to practice it.

I am also pretty lucky to have some of the best friends. I am still close friends with all my old high school buddies. We are spread out across the whole world, but that doesn’t stop Vas from reading my blog every day (I know you do, buddy); it doesn’t stop Q and his wife from sending me packages; I always know what Pham is doing; and Timmy flies fighter planes from aircraft carriers. My college buddies are also still around. One even came to visit me last year. Again, many of them have contributed to me in some way shape or form. Just like siblings I got to practice some of the tools I learned. And I was always surrounded by a group of girls who taught me a lot about being a good boyfriend and learned a lot from a female’s perspective.

I’m not going to talk about each individual relationship and past girlfriend I ever had. That would be interesting, but inappropriate and wrong, considering we shared so much. Each serious relationship leaves a significant mark and impression that you take with you forever. From my first relationship I learned that I needed to stop being so picky and controlling about things. I had to be more sensitive to the needs and feelings of the other person. Now I did practice this with my second girlfriend. In the end I learned I had to be myself in all things. I learned that I had to stand up for what I believed in. I also learned to be patient and I became a really good listener, too. Of course, I continued to learn how I could argue and fight, but still get by. I learned how to take responsibility for the things I did wrong, and how to forgive others when they do wrong to me.

Obviously all of these relationships ended, and it hurt and sometimes there was curling into the fetal position not wanting to go out for days. Sometimes it included hours of Buffy the Vampire Slayer watching. Usually it consisted of going to Cate’s house and playing with her dogs, helping her do things, and just talking. Now, Cate is pretty awesome in the way she can listen and even if we’ve gone over the topic before, remains calm and collected. So at the end of the relationship I was able to stand up and be a much wiser, caring, stronger person.

One I was talking to one of my G9 friends after a long night of playing beer pong at a bar in Tbilisi. We were waiting to get a taxi and I don’t remember what were talking about, but I remember trying to organize the troops to get home. She looked right over at me with the most serious and complimenting expression and said, “Tom, I think you will be a really good dad one day.” Honestly, one of the best compliments I ever had. But I have to thank all my family, friends, and even past girlfriends for teaching me how to even be considered like that. So thanks everyone.

Cultural Mishaps and Controversies

Disclaimer: This blog post as a few areas that could be deemed controversial by some people. It discusses aspect of living and relating to people in different cultures. This only reflex issues of cultural misunderstand and does not reflect of harassment or anything else.

I think I’ve told many of you that as a Peace Corps Volunteer I am not supposed to blab on about anything and everything in my blog. In fact, I think it’s generally a good rule of thumb to never blab off about everything in a blog. I mean, it’s not all about trying to give off a good impression of Peace Corps to make the recruitment numbers go up. It’s more about making sure we remain culturally sensitive. Therefore, if I have had a particularly hard day dealing with the culture or people I have to be VERY careful about how I say or phrase it. That’s why I have my handy disclaimer on the side. Still, it also means that my blog becomes rather fake.

There is a TLG (Teach and Learn Georgia) teacher who does write about all the little cultural nuances and tries to explain and rationalize them. I don’t necessarily think he always does a very good job of it, and is sometimes culturally insensitive; making blanket comments about Georgian customs and traditions. His beliefs about Georgian women, sex, and pride are extremely anachronistic. I'm not exactly sure if he lives in a city, town or village (which I think makes a difference). I’ve never met the guy before, but his blog is nonetheless interesting, and he discusses controversial issues that I’d never be allowed to touch being a PCV. I really applaud him, too, because he writes what many of us are thinking and feeling. It takes a lot of courage, especially when Americans and Georgians alike attack him in blog posts. 

But, when I say I’m feeling frustrated, it’s hard to actually explain that on my blog without getting e-mails from Peace Corps wondering why I’d post something so controversial. I’m not even in a bad mood about Georgian culture today, but once again, I must be general, and will only discuss culture as a generalized subject. Because culture changes the types of, and expectations we may have in our interpersonal relationships. The friendships I have with Georgians are completely different than I’d have with a friend in the USA. Same with my host family.

So what happens when two cultures come together and they aren’t fully understood? Well, it’s like two people with different personalities meeting multiplied by 100. Without communicating with each other on a straight, non-accusing level communication breaks down and assumptions are made instead. When approaching someone from another culture it’s important to ask A LOT of questions. Especially when you are initially offended by what someone says. Tempers will flair, sometimes over a simple misunderstanding. So, simply asking questions and doing so in a non-judgmental or harassing manner has always seemed prudent to me in tough cultural situations.

Next, give the benefit of a doubt to the other person (again, not during issues of harassment). Sometimes I may have felt that I was insulted or hurt, but in actuality the person meant very little harm, or it seems perfectly normal to them. In that case, I just try to let it go. I once had a conversation with a Georgian man at a supra who was pressuring me very hard to drink. I started to get noticeably annoyed and upset and he leaned down and told me that it’s his culture. No, not his culture to force wine down your throat, but it’s cultural to offer and make sure the person knows it’s okay so they have a good time. So now, instead of getting upset when people try to force me to drink, I just compare it to them trying to get me to eat a lot. It’s about being a good host. Now, some of you may argue with me, and of course in many situations I’m wrong, but in giving people the benefit of a doubt I am able to calm myself.

Third, accept the difference and just let it go. When I was doing the FLEX teaching we talked a lot about culture, and helping students prepare for US culture and schools. When referring to culture we had a phrase, “Not better, not worse, just different”. I don’t think this is ALWAYS true, but in most minor things (i.e. issues of space, privacy, food, dress) it is certainly true. And, if people fight over things like that, instead of having a reasonable, thought out conversation it can destroy the relationship you have with that person.

Finally, don’t take things personally. It’s way too easy to have misunderstandings, and if you are too sensitive when someone tries to let their culture out, you will have a really hard relationship. If a person suggests something, and it hurts you as a person, then follow steps 1, 2, and 3 before getting upset. In fact, repeat 1, 2, and 3 several times before getting upset. But, if you latch onto one silly phrase or word, and then judge the whole situation, culture, or person based on that, you’re in for a world of trouble.

Nobody likes to be misunderstood. And when misunderstandings lead to fights it’s even worse and more destructive than ever. Here in Georgia, when people constantly misunderstand me, or what I’m saying (not language wise, but culturally) and get offended I get annoyed. First, I’m annoyed because I’m not being understood, and people get mad at me for a misunderstanding. Secondly (and this is my issues), it causes me to shutdown. The introvert in me gets the power, and I will be less likely to open my mouth or be honest with people In the future, because I’ll feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

So, lighten up, accept the differences and changes don’t jump to conclusions, and ask questions. 

What To Do?

When I woke up this morning I had the inspirational sensation that I needed to be productive today. I took out my daily/weekly planner my mother so kindly sent me from the USA and began planning out my day and week. On the list I have exercising and running, study Georgian for 45 minutes, study Russian for 45 minutes, write in my journal, start thinking of a SPA grant idea, and write a blog entry. I’ve been getting a lot of happy vibes from people who enjoy the new layout and the tabs up at the top. I’m glad you all enjoy this layout so much, and as for the new title you have my PCV friend to thank for that one.

I spent this past weekend in Batumi. It was another PCV’s birthday, so he and his wife came all the way out to Batumi to enjoy the last two weeks of summer. The weather was great! I sat on the beach for hours and hours, and didn’t get any sunburn. Maybe I’m not as albino as I thought. I was hanging out primarily with a group of G11’s, and it was awesome getting to know all these new people. I enjoyed their perspectives on things, and they seem to be pretty motivated and fun. Still, it’s weird when they look at me to answer some cultural question that I really don’t understand myself. So I might just make my best guess and then the group will talk about it. It was a great weekend, and a good summer sendoff.

On the 19^th was Peristsvaleba (meaning: “change of color”, or the day of the Transfiguration of Jesus according to the Orthodox Church. I’m not exactly sure what this supposed to mean, but it also marks the day that the weather is supposed to change and winter makes its first move. Legend has it that somewhere in the mountains a big lamp of ice falls into the water and the weather becomes milder. Now, this summer was already pretty mild. Last summer I remember burning everyday and being so sweaty and sticky I had to take a shower twice a day. Last year the weather did get mild around late September or October, but it didn’t get downright cold until December. Hopefully this mild summer doesn’t mean a freezing cold winter.

This also marks my final summer in Georgia. Yep, I’m counting down my days and seasons. I will leave next June, a week before the summer season actually starts. From here I just need to get through Fall (a breeze), Winter (shoot me), and Spring (often still a bit chilly), and then I go home. It’s weird to think about everything I’ve been through here. From training all the way to now, and I’ve been in country 16 months.

I have a lot of plans and ideas for my final year, but I don’t know if I’d consider my first year a huge success. There was so much I should have done but didn’t for whatever reason. There was a lot of battling frustrations in work trying to integrate that I didn’t do some of the things I really wanted to. Now in my second year I am more determined than ever to get things done. I have all these ideas in my head, but I need someone to come and help me write the grants for them. I hate writing grants. There is nothing enjoyable or fun about writing them. I’d rather stick my finger in an electrical socket and use the insurance money to buy the things I need. It all just requires so many tiny details I don’t really think about, and half the questions they want answered are almost exactly the same as one I already answered. I mean, I understand the function and purpose, but REALLY!?!?! Do I really need 17 pages of grant writing for $3,000? Really?

Also, a G11 asked me what my plans were for after Peace Corps. Wow, those types of questions just make me feel so old. Is it really getting to that point I have to think about the next step in my life? I guess if I’m interested in graduate school I should start deciding on applications. The truth is, I’m not sure what to study, and to be honest, going to graduate school for the sake of going to graduate school sounds like a horrible idea. I would consider going back to find a teaching job, but that all depends if Governor Christie is finished screwing teachers over. Then I could look for a federal job, which my good friend tells me “Well, it’s stable and pays well, but it will eat your soul”.

Thanks, Harley. So what would I study in graduate school? History has always been my specialty, but getting a degree would mean years of work, a dissertation, and entering a job field that is so oversupplied that I would never really justify the time and money spent. Then there’s Psychology. My friend is getting his PhD in clinical psychology and I think he is pretty busy. I would consider school psychology. Still, is psychology something I want to spend years studying and my whole life working in? I could do social work or something, too, but again, do I really want to do it and then spend the time and money on something I may never use? Then again, do I really want to teach at a high school or middle school and be an underpaid and unappreciated worker? I’ve seen teachers who burn out so quickly and I could feel those feelings build up inside me during my teaching here in Georgia. Sure, there are differences, but is it something I want to get myself involved in? If it was between teaching at an urban school or going to graduate school in history? I’d probably take graduate school.

Alright, time to go achieve the other things on my list for the day. Have a great week everyone. 

The Facts of [Peace Corps] Life

Two posts in two days! Eureka! I was talking to my ADHD sister, Cate, and we were just comparing notes on how unmotivated we could actually be. We discussed how sometimes we hyper-focus on things to an extreme for a week, and then we let it die down. In this case, I hyper-focused on my blog, and on the website I’m building for the Education Resource Center here in Keda. It’s a work in progress, and I don’t really have website building skills, but I’m slowly making my way up, and learning a little HTML while I’m at it. Then I also decided I didn’t like space too much, and I’m too obsessed with the color black. I like black, it’s true. It’s enigmatic and creates a sense of foreboding and mystery (in my opinion). I personally think this new layout is more my style. It’s a traveler’s layout, and it’s very Peace Corps in my opinion.

So, I was in Batumi last Friday after dropping my girlfriend at the airport. I was in a bit of a down mood, and I mostly just wanted to be alone for a bit. I went to a café in Batumi that another Peace Corp guy helps out at as his big project. It has cheap food, clean, welcoming atmosphere, wireless internet; a good place to sit and do work. Suddenly a stampede of new volunteers came in. I was already talking to one of the new guys (G11s), and mostly we were talking about nothing (actually I don’t remember what we talked about, I was trying to be introverted at this time), but he did bring up one thing: Our group (G10) were very negative about Peace Corps, Georgia, and our overall experience. Now first I just tried telling him that he needs to be here over winter and he needs to start working before telling us that.

The funny thing is, G10s thought the group before us, the G9s, were being too negative as well. Maybe we hung around G9s too long and picked up their negativity. Maybe after a year we just get upset and negative. Or, as I see it, it’s almost like a right of passage. Each volunteer has their own story, good or bad, and we complain and compare stories. Usually it’s not too serious, but after a year the negativity is more of hazing the new group than actually disliking Georgia or Peace Corps. We enjoy being the ones to say “Oh, you wait and see”. More than likely the G11s will do that to the G12s and so on and so forth. It’s like when I was in elementary school, and my older sister Mary would try picking on me by saying “you won’t make it in middle school”. Then as I was getting into high school she’d say “oh you’re going to have a hard time in high school”. It’s like we’re trying to be an older sibling to the G11s, while the G9s were the grandparents. Since the G9s were done, they didn’t care about all the negativity. It was nothing to them, just white noise as they went on to new things.

I wanted to write something like this before G11s got here. But, I never got around to it while I was cuddled in my sleeping bag with ice forming outside of it… It seems a bit late now, since they are well on their way to being competent and wise volunteers. I just think they should know that although we may complain, or we may get angry at certain things, we are all still here. We are still alive, and we haven’t left. If we REALLY hated it here we’d leave, there’s nothing stopping us, and we have a free Delta ticket home. Most of us actually like it here. Sure, work is hard, and sometimes I don’t think I’m doing much. But yesterday I was talking with my host sister. She mentioned how badly she wants to travel and find new things out in the world besides Georgia and Keda. She was in Ukraine for 1½ months and really learned and grew during that time. It was in that moment that I realized I had rubbed off on her. I have helped change her life (hopefully for the better), and have given her the knowledge and tools to build a life for herself. You can make a difference in Peace Corps, maybe not a huge one, but you can make a difference to people on a 1-1 level.

That’s not say it’s not always annoying. At one supra a man said “I want you to teach your language, but not your culture. Your culture is bad and Georgians don’t want it”. In the best Georgian I could, and in the nicest way possible I said “I’m sorry you think that, but I can’t teach my language without also teaching my culture, too. There are good and bad things about every culture, but what do you know about mine?” (the actual Georgian sounded more like “Sorry think I can’t teach language and culture. Cultrue is good, and your culture is good and bad, and my culture is good and bad. I must teach culture too.”) Now those things are annoying, really annoying. When you come somewhere and you feel like people don’t really care who you are or where you come from. When you tell them, “No, I’m done eating” and they think that means pile more food on your plate. Yep, that’s annoying, but the way of life. School can be hard, but it is possible to make a difference in people’s lives.

The same G11 later asked me “Hey Tom, is your Peace Corps experience the way you thought it’d be?” My only answer was, “No, but what is really? I knew I wasn’t going to truly understand everything, and I was ready for it”. But, I did make sure to tell him that I think the experience nonetheless is beneficial and good. I’d probably do it again, and I’d recommend it to others who are flexible and have a good sense of humor.

So, you’ll have good times, you’ll have bad times, but in the end I think everyone here will look back and be grateful they were here, no matter how big or small their accomplishments.

Alright, I’ve been sitting in the same chair for 2 hours and my back and butt hurt. Goodbye virtual world.

When ADHD Attacks

Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I am a total tease when it comes to writing, but here I am now. I think my main problem is that I wait too long to write, and then I have some massive blog post to write that I hate writing, and you all hate reading. So maybe I'll stick to shorter, less detailed oriented blog posts. But for a nice change of pace, how 'bout the new layout? I'm still working on it, but the greenness was getting a little too much. Every time I opened my blog it looked like someone had puked all over it and written something in the middle with alphabet noodles. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole space thing in the background, but I'll play around and see what I can do (I mean, it's not like I'm doing anything else, right?)

Since my last post I had a visitor. The girl I went to go see in Kiev (remember, I don't use names on my blog) came to Georgia. Once again, the details of her visit I don't feel like going over, but we have PLENTY of Facebook pictures, so go check them out if you wish. We were in Kobuleti first, then we were in Keda, then Batumi. It was a great 11 days, but too be honest, it was a little short. I also know this may have come off as a bit of a surprise to many people, especially people back in the USA whom I didn't even tell about this girl. I'm sorry about that.

The 2 months I've been wandering around a lot. I haven't had a lot of time to just sit down and relax. It also means I haven't had a lot of time to sit and study my Georgian or get ready for the coming year. There's really a lot I need to do, and not a lot of time. Ugh... I still don't think this summer was as big of a waste as last summer. For one thing I don't play Internet Checkers as much (yay!). And I think my movie watching has decreased 60%.

Really, I know a lot of you who know me know how much trouble I have with motivation. Before getting into Peace Corps there was a serious thought I might have ADHD (it did take me 6 months to write the Peace Corps essays), which would explain a lot. I really don't think people realize how annoying and frustrating this can be. It's hard to be in a job, and know there's something I need to do. Knowing what needs to be done. But as soon as I sit down to do the work guess what happens? Nothing. In fact, even if I turn the internet off, I can be at my computer for 2 hours and have NO idea what I had been doing.

I think there's a tendency to laugh it off a bit, especially from me. It's really kind of annoying and pretty depressing to deal with. Where's Small World Coffee (a small coffee shop in Princeton I used to be able to work in) when I need it? It doesn't help that Georgian culture enables this. I know some people have this idea that it's a load of crap. That if someone wants to do it, they should just do it. Yeah, tried that approach, it doesn't work. The only thing that seems to work is large doses of caffeine. I sometimes have brief moments of reflection where I'm able to write and do A LOT. Hmmm, I probably sound a lot like American politicians right now. "Hey, we have sooooo much to do, but we just can't/won't do anything about it!"

See, you know I'm putting off doing work (writing a grant) when I'm writing in my blog. I know I've written about this before, but it's true! Here's the last post about this, and a list of everything I should/would do. Well, I don't think I did any of those. I really need someone behind me with hot/sharp metal objects to motivate me.

Now ADHD is kicking in again and I don't feel like writing anymore.

PEEEAAACCCEEEEEE