Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Cultural Mishaps and Controversies

Disclaimer: This blog post as a few areas that could be deemed controversial by some people. It discusses aspect of living and relating to people in different cultures. This only reflex issues of cultural misunderstand and does not reflect of harassment or anything else.

I think I’ve told many of you that as a Peace Corps Volunteer I am not supposed to blab on about anything and everything in my blog. In fact, I think it’s generally a good rule of thumb to never blab off about everything in a blog. I mean, it’s not all about trying to give off a good impression of Peace Corps to make the recruitment numbers go up. It’s more about making sure we remain culturally sensitive. Therefore, if I have had a particularly hard day dealing with the culture or people I have to be VERY careful about how I say or phrase it. That’s why I have my handy disclaimer on the side. Still, it also means that my blog becomes rather fake.

There is a TLG (Teach and Learn Georgia) teacher who does write about all the little cultural nuances and tries to explain and rationalize them. I don’t necessarily think he always does a very good job of it, and is sometimes culturally insensitive; making blanket comments about Georgian customs and traditions. His beliefs about Georgian women, sex, and pride are extremely anachronistic. I'm not exactly sure if he lives in a city, town or village (which I think makes a difference). I’ve never met the guy before, but his blog is nonetheless interesting, and he discusses controversial issues that I’d never be allowed to touch being a PCV. I really applaud him, too, because he writes what many of us are thinking and feeling. It takes a lot of courage, especially when Americans and Georgians alike attack him in blog posts. 

But, when I say I’m feeling frustrated, it’s hard to actually explain that on my blog without getting e-mails from Peace Corps wondering why I’d post something so controversial. I’m not even in a bad mood about Georgian culture today, but once again, I must be general, and will only discuss culture as a generalized subject. Because culture changes the types of, and expectations we may have in our interpersonal relationships. The friendships I have with Georgians are completely different than I’d have with a friend in the USA. Same with my host family.

So what happens when two cultures come together and they aren’t fully understood? Well, it’s like two people with different personalities meeting multiplied by 100. Without communicating with each other on a straight, non-accusing level communication breaks down and assumptions are made instead. When approaching someone from another culture it’s important to ask A LOT of questions. Especially when you are initially offended by what someone says. Tempers will flair, sometimes over a simple misunderstanding. So, simply asking questions and doing so in a non-judgmental or harassing manner has always seemed prudent to me in tough cultural situations.

Next, give the benefit of a doubt to the other person (again, not during issues of harassment). Sometimes I may have felt that I was insulted or hurt, but in actuality the person meant very little harm, or it seems perfectly normal to them. In that case, I just try to let it go. I once had a conversation with a Georgian man at a supra who was pressuring me very hard to drink. I started to get noticeably annoyed and upset and he leaned down and told me that it’s his culture. No, not his culture to force wine down your throat, but it’s cultural to offer and make sure the person knows it’s okay so they have a good time. So now, instead of getting upset when people try to force me to drink, I just compare it to them trying to get me to eat a lot. It’s about being a good host. Now, some of you may argue with me, and of course in many situations I’m wrong, but in giving people the benefit of a doubt I am able to calm myself.

Third, accept the difference and just let it go. When I was doing the FLEX teaching we talked a lot about culture, and helping students prepare for US culture and schools. When referring to culture we had a phrase, “Not better, not worse, just different”. I don’t think this is ALWAYS true, but in most minor things (i.e. issues of space, privacy, food, dress) it is certainly true. And, if people fight over things like that, instead of having a reasonable, thought out conversation it can destroy the relationship you have with that person.

Finally, don’t take things personally. It’s way too easy to have misunderstandings, and if you are too sensitive when someone tries to let their culture out, you will have a really hard relationship. If a person suggests something, and it hurts you as a person, then follow steps 1, 2, and 3 before getting upset. In fact, repeat 1, 2, and 3 several times before getting upset. But, if you latch onto one silly phrase or word, and then judge the whole situation, culture, or person based on that, you’re in for a world of trouble.

Nobody likes to be misunderstood. And when misunderstandings lead to fights it’s even worse and more destructive than ever. Here in Georgia, when people constantly misunderstand me, or what I’m saying (not language wise, but culturally) and get offended I get annoyed. First, I’m annoyed because I’m not being understood, and people get mad at me for a misunderstanding. Secondly (and this is my issues), it causes me to shutdown. The introvert in me gets the power, and I will be less likely to open my mouth or be honest with people In the future, because I’ll feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

So, lighten up, accept the differences and changes don’t jump to conclusions, and ask questions. 

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