Relationship Status: It's Complicated with FACEBOOK

I have used Facebook since 2004. I think my university was in the second or third tier of schools added by (then) TheFacebook; before it opened to high schools and later the general public. People always say “I’m going to delete my Facebook account”, but few ever do, and those who do are often viewed as atypical or somehow socially inept. For over a year now I have struggled with the decision to destroy my Facebook account and begin living my life, not advertising my life, but the possible social ramifications of deleting have weighed heavily on me for some time. My sister-in-law even said “it’s sad, because it’s like a journal of 9 years”, but through Facebook’s archival feature I can save all my old photos, wall posts, and messages. I recently decided to delete my old profile and try to start again, but I feel I may have outgrown Facebook’s usefulness, and it has become more of a waste of time than ever before, and here are my reasons why.

I know plenty of amazing professionals with Facebook accounts, and they always post very few things, and usually have only a handful of friends. Every year, hundreds of people are probably fired from their work because of an inappropriate picture or comment. I have to be hyper vigilant and careful with my Facebook (and my blog) to make sure nothing, not even the most mundane, can be considered offensive or unprofessional. I consider Facebook primarily a social tool (if you want professional join LinkedIn), and therefore it has limited professional use (we can debate this last point all day long, too).

I believe that Facebook has been positive and negative on my social life, but mostly negative. There are a ton of “friends” on Facebook that I wouldn’t talk with normally, and Facebook is great for staying in touch. Here’s the thing, we didn’t stay in touch for a reason, and by pretending we’re besties on Facebook doesn’t do anyone any good, if it’s not true. If we’re good friends, and we talk on Facebook, we can easily move our conversation to e-mail or phone (I abhor texting ). Facebook is also an enormous farce. Nobody is that happy all the time. We’re all guilty of it; hell, I’m guilty of it on my blog a lot of the time, too, but it’s still fake. We only show our best selves on Facebook, and I’d rather be getting to know people on a personal level and empathize with them.   I’m feel my happy moments are private, and I’ll share them with my close friends or relatives, but not necessarily with 400 people I don’t care about. Furthermore, Facebook can destroy friendships and relationships, just as easy as it can forge and maintain them.

Human interaction and communication is so complicated, that the digital age has failed to match our evolutionary predisposition to non-verbal communication. Without proper communication a friendship, or romantic relationship, for that matter, will fall to excessive personal offense and passive-aggressiveness. A simple status update, photos, profile/cover picture changes can set a person down a train of thought that will ultimately crush a relationship. Since I’ve been home, I’ve made a pledge to never friend the girl I’m dating, post pictures, or mention her on my Facebook. That’s a personal side of me that I no longer want to share with the world, or the majority of my Facebook friends. I have nothing to prove, and I’m not interested in showing off anybody just to get the “Oh my God, you two are perfect together” comments. I can and will show my love and affection in other ways, but Facebook is not a meaningful place to forge a relationship.

For example, I remember sorority formals, the “special” soccer field, prom, graduation, house parties, and dancing to “our song” and eating fondue with my first girlfriend. With all successive relationships I remember the moments we spent together (no particular order): Communiversity, a river in Canada, monument-hopping in D.C., walking Batumi streets, the beach (and having a bird poop on my head), laser tag, making nachos, Turkey,  drinking coffee and watching CNN, working in the library. These are the things I remember. I don’t remember anything that any girl has ever written on my Facebook wall or messaged me. These Facebook and internet talks are a complete waste of time, and I just don’t want that. I want memories with touching and feeling, not words.

Finally, and most importantly, my personal value system is not predicated on the validation of my peers. I am not beholden to anybody but myself, and ultimately I look myself in the mirror and find my own sense of self-worth. I just got my dream teaching job, but I’m not quite done, either. I’m ambitious and now I need to read and study history and psychology more thoroughly than ever. I have continued my study of Russian and even get practice with a funny Russian, and a somewhat mean student; I’m progressing, but there’s more to do. Further down the line I may want to be a school principal or a superintendent, and that means more time and education. Maybe I’ll consider founding a school in Georgia with my friend/coworker there. We talked about it once, and who knows what will happen if I set my mind to it.

Don’t get me wrong, Facebook has some advantages. I can communicate openly and freely with my friends and colleagues in Georgia and the USA. It’s more convenient in making the groundwork for social events. Cultural attitudes flow in Facebook, and I’d miss out on entire social issues and changes. I’ll miss the news articles I see from my friends that engage everyone in meaningful discussions on controversial issues.

That is why I decided to archive my old Facebook as a journal and start anew. This new Facebook is a fresh start, so I wouldn’t have to go through my old wall posts and pictures to delete unprofessional/inappropriate comments. It’s also a way to choose who I want to be friends with, and what I want them to see. I won’t promise that I’ll stay with Facebook, and I will very likely delete this profile at some point, too. If you have any desire to stay in touch you can always send me an e-mail, call, or stalk me through my blog.

Cheers.


*Edit* I should also point out that Facebook creeps me out now that I know the NSA is able to track, and that Zuckerberg even gives them information. That's not cool.