"Marshutka Pre-Flight Announcement
When traveling in Georgia, one is usually limited to three modes of transportation: taxi, train or passenger van. The passenger van tends to be the most economical form of transit, both in terms of time and cost. These trips often last hours (some as long at 8 hours) and this gives one much time to read, reflect or day-dream. I usually choose the latter-most. I have decided that if a van such as these were to become really official and take a cue from airlines, the conversation in the front seat would probably resemble this:
And it's highly likely that every Georgian driver would have one of these.
And should the driver ever decide to include a pre-flight introduction or speech, it would closely resemble the following:
“Good morning ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Giorgi and I will be your Marshutka (passenger van) driver today. We'll be cruising at approximately 120 kph through narrow mountain passes, skirting the edges of sheer cliff faces and performing the bovine slalom with cows strategically placed in the middle of the road.
If you are feeling queasy from the overwhelming aroma of haven't-showered-in-three-
Today's is a non-smoking flight, as indicated by the “No Smoking” sign hanging from the rear-view mirror, but this rule will be flagrantly flouted by the driver, who will smoke like a chimney for the next six hours.
If this is a summer trip, and you are feeling a little warm, opening a window for ventilation will be futile, as the other passengers will angrily close it, for fear of catching a cold...in August.
On this trip there will be no complimentary drinks, snacks or pillows. You are traveling like chattel. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
Today's in-flight meal will consist of day-old khatchapuri shoved on you, against your will, by the bebia (grandmother) sitting next to you.
If you'll kindly direct your attention to your left and right shoulders, you'll notice that the seat belt has been conveniently cut out to ease a speedy departure from the vehicle, through the windshield, in the event of a sudden stop or a cataclysmic auto-donkey pile-up.
For the Georgians aboard, please feel free to religiously cross yourselves at random and inexplicable intervals, so as to alarm the foreigners on board as much as possible.
As always, our “Clown Car” policy dictates that we'll be taking twice as many passengers as we can safely accommodate, so keep your laps (i.e. extra seats) free! Have a hazardous trip! :-)”
No Joke."
No comments:
Post a Comment