Mistakes

I’ve talked a lot about the things I’ve done and the projects I’ve completed. I take great pride in these accomplishments, and wish I could do more in Keda. Right now I want to talk a bit about my failures here the past two years. It’s a good practice to look back on an experience and see what went well and what went poorly. I’m not necessarily depressed or have deep regrets about any of these, but they are things I should reflect on for the future.

First up is my Georgian language ability. From the beginning of PST I slacked off on my language acquisition. I figured “Hey, two years is a long time, and I am in class four hours a day, six days a week, I need to relax and not study too hard.” Ugh… I wish in PST I spent more time studying the vocabulary and really trying to take in the language. It was hard because it really was the first language I ever had to learn, and there was a lot of terminology and grammar that I didn’t understand. I am not horrible at Georgian, but I could have done better. I remember before I left I thought I’d spend the first year learning Georgian, and the second year learning Russian (I’ve always wanted to learn and speak Russian). I set that goal for myself, and I didn’t achieve it well. I can read in Russian, and having a Russian speaking girlfriend certainly helps, but I failed in learning being fluent in Georgian, and hardly know Russian. I keep this in mind, because I need to continue studying Russian, and I know that it just takes WORK. No way around it, I just need to work at it.

My second perceived failure would be in the schools. To anybody who isn’t a teacher I want to tell you: TEACHING IS HARD. It’s easy if all you want to do is babysit all day long, but daily lesson planning, planning activities, classroom management, and dealing with a wide range of knowledge and abilities is difficult. Then throw in my less than superb language abilities and all you find is a frustrated Tom being laughed at by a classroom of students for saying “kvertskhebi” (eggs). In Georgian the ‘ebi’ signifies possessive case, but when used with the word for egg, “kvertski” it means testicles. Live and learn. These language issues and frustrations with large class sizes was a breeding ground for my discontent. I came in the first year with a good attitude, but there were multiple issues in and out of my control that resulted in me pulling away from the school and really letting many of my students down. ]I did my best, but I still have a lot to learn about teaching.

I’d say my third failure—well not really a failure more a regret—was not getting out more. I met a lot of people and did a lot in my first few months at site. My host sister and I would go to the park and we’d just go around Keda having fun. It was a good summer. The first winter forced everyone to stay indoors, but I didn’t come back out of my shell the next spring. I don’t know why, but I didn’t spend as much time hanging out in the center of town or going to other people’s houses. I think some was culture shock hitting me, and feeling frustrated being asked the same frustrating questions. Some of it was people asking me why I didn’t speak Georgian better, and me feeling guilty and therefore not willing to say anything else. Then maybe it was that whenever I did go to someone else’s home I would be expected to drink copious amounts of wine and/or tchatcha. You might think, “Dude, that’s awesome.” No, it isn’t. Seriously, parts of me just want to go back to the USA and never touch a drink again. I never had a bad experience, and I never got sick, but I have never been a huge drinker, and I disliked being judged for not drinking enough (ironically if you drink too much it’s looked down on and they gossip about it). Still, I wish I had gone out more and just hung out with people in town.

So, there you have it. These failures don’t define my PC service, and I’m not upset or depressed by them. I’m just reflecting on the experience, and trying to find ways to grow and learn from it. I’m sure there are other mistakes I’ve made, and other things I could have and should have done differently, this is it for now.